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My constant running around seemed humorous to the girls. When all the things were assembled, I sat down in a chair beside the bed. I was out of breath, and feeling helpless. I held one of Kitten's hands, and tried to send what reassurance I could her way. The vision of an expectant father popped into my mind. I did not think any one else put it there. In a way, all those scenes from movies where the father was fumbling around, and more than just anxious, had been comical, but not now.When in Nam, I had seen childbirth in backward hamlets, but had never participated. More and more, worry started creeping into my thinking. It could not all be mine. A civilization like Kitten's and Chris's must have very good obstetrics. Why didn't she want help from her home? Or, for that matter, why did she not seem to care if the father was here or not?A car pulled up in front of the house. I tied the housecoat around Chris, before directing her downstairs. "I will be a few minutes preparing Susan for. Picking up her lipstick, I paint a circle on my nose tip, and carefully outline my downturned lips in a huge smile.Up until now, it has been hard for me to look in the mirror. I guess it is shame and self-consciousness... always fearing I will mess up. But now, I like what I see. I stand there staring into the mirror for so long, my bathwater runs cold. My mind turns to clowns.~~~My college yearsBeing raised with sharp criticism and judgment takes its toll on a person. If you feel like you can never live up, you might quit trying. This is what happens to me in college. Safely out of their grasps and watchful eyes, I run wild. My roommate introduces me to alcohol. And you know alcohol can become a great escape, deadening your pain. The problem is when you sober up, your pain returns stronger than ever. It's like pain knows you tried to stifle it - it doesn't want to be stifled.At the fraternity party, I am buzzing from my rum shots and we are playing Fuck, Marry, or Kill. It is my.
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